Top Tips For Proposing
The anticipation. The surprise. The reaction.
Proposals are one of the best moments between couples as you both commit to leap into the abyss of life together. As we always say, the question should be a surprise but the answer shouldn’t be!
I’ve often found that proposals provide couples with an exciting way to kick off the wedding planning process! It’s very common for the ‘proposer’ to be the one who makes plans less often so they get to show a level of dedication and investment of time that is an enjoyable surprise for the proposee. That being said, here are 9 tips to nailing the proposal!
Warning: If you’re expecting to get proposed to, I recommend not reading further as you may spoil your own surprise!
Tip #1: Allow space for them to express their ideal proposal!
This doesn’t necessarily mean asking them outright exactly what they want if you really want to shock them but it does mean paying attention when anyone else gets engaged as they may make comments that hint at their preferences. As well, go to their friends and family for inspiration in case they have been quietly noting things down. It always helps to take it with a grain of salt and pay attention to your partner the most! If you have the time, casually ask them for a hypothetical future proposal dream without hinting when that may be coming.
Tip #2: Insure the ring (at least until it’s on their finger)!
Holy moly, get that rock insured asap! I have had couples recall nearly dropping the ring through the slats of a pier as they had opened the ring box the wrong way and it could have lead to a completely unexpected flip of emotions for all involved. Check your home/renter’s insurance as it is common for there to be an option to add an engagement ring piece separately if it isn’t already covered.
Tip #3: Draw inspiration but make it yours!
This is your chance to create a unique twist on the question that will fill you with excitement and nostalgia for years to come. Do you want to propose in a location already sentimental to you both or make a new location sentimental? Will you do it locally or while travelling? How can you make the whole day special but unexpected?
Tip #4: Figure out if you want a photographer and book them early! Give yourself time to get the details sorted out and allow them to help in the planning process.
I recommend inquiring to your photographer at least a month prior to the date itself. Expect to pay $300+ and consider it a steal if it’s lower than that! These are quite concentrated sessions and it is all about nailing those 20 seconds when you’ve bent your knee.
Tip #5: Practice makes perfect! Speaking from the heart is great but many couples I have photographed recall blacking out a little as the emotions run high and the adrenaline sets in so make sure to try saying it out loud once or twice beforehand even if you aren’t memorizing something. As well, if you get a photographer, plan to do at least a portion of it while you’re down on one knee to maximize photo opportunity.
Tip #6: Be discreet! If you want to surprise them, there are plenty of ways to make it happen. Here’s a quickfire of little ideas:
Slim ring boxes exist!
Ask their friends to sneakily get them out to get nails done if they enjoy that! (said friends can also recommend a bridal/wedding inspired style instead of the aggressive highlighter yellow they may have chosen for fun)
People who get proposed to aren’t typically annoyed finding out about white lies so stay in that wiggle room and plan to go out to a ‘work dinner’ or ‘friend’s birthday’ to get them looking their best.
Photoshoots / model calls where photographers contact the unsuspecting partner to schedule a session
Tip #7: Propose for them, not for anyone else.
Sometimes the biggest proposals aren’t the best for them! Does your partner want it to be a public or private moment? I always recommend having the amount of privacy that means it feels like just the two of you during the reaction but everyone has their own preferences. Perhaps they want that big screen moment where the whole crowd elevates the intensity of the joy, or maybe they want a quiet homemade dinner during a slow weekend of rest. Know your partner and find the balance between their tastes and yours.
Tip #8: Consider involving their loved ones.
There are plenty of ways to bring their friends and family into the storytelling (even without spilling the beans!). Whether it’s a post-proposal surprise party at someone’s house, them hiding in the bushes nearby, or ready to video call immediately after, it can be a special way to continue the celebration! That being said, it can also be extremely fun for them to be able to surprise their loved ones with the news so you can make the call for which they’d like more!
Tip #9: Break the ‘rules’ that don’t serve you.
It’s modern day! Ditch the customs and traditions that don’t work and create new ones! If you need to propose with a dupe ring and go shopping together later to get the perfect band, do that! If you want the photographer only there after the moment itself so you can just be the two of you together, tell me to get outta there! Most couples I’ve worked with have discussed their wedding already so the proposal itself is not a question of whether it happens but when, where and how.
These days, so many couples already have the typical ‘marriage’ by having built a home together, sharing responsibilities and sometimes finances, travelling together, parenting pets etc. so the wedding is often merely a two-parter benefit: the secondary social recognition and the unique chance to throw a party that everyone prioritizes. In your social circles, the terms ‘husband’ and ‘wife’ and ‘spouse’ often denote a level of commitment and can come with a layer of respect and investment from your secondary connections (friends of friends, relatives, coworkers etc.) that can be useful and heartwarming. Weddings are special in their intended once-in-a-lifetime premise. Friends and family will come from near and far for your celebration and will invest in your relationship and root for you! It’s very common to come across people who reject the idea of a wedding in its traditional parts but the idea of a party with all of your favourite people who will show up and be your village is something that is appealing to most. So make it yours!
Good luck!
